The End of an Era

Last Thursday ended up being the last time of breastfeeding for me and Lewis! I knew that this evening (it's our 7th anniversary!) we'd be away at bedtime (date night!), so I wanted to end it before now to make bedtime easier on Lewis and on Kevin's parents (who are babysitting for us). Friday night at dinner, Kevin and I were discussing it, and I decided that was the night to not offer it up any longer.


The transition has been easier than I anticipated, I guess. We'd already gradually cut back to just the bedtime feeding, so I haven't had any physical discomfort from ending it, which is good. It was a little emotional for me that first night without it. Not emotional like crying--more emotional like I didn't know what to do with myself. Drinking a couple of beers and going outside to work in the garden helped (Kevin stayed inside while Lew fussed a little). It was a weird happy/sad feeling. On the one hand, I am 'free' and on the other, he no longer 'needs' me (as a source of nutrition, immunity, comfort, whatever). WHICH I realize isn't true at all--he needs me in other ways. It feels like we've said so long to the Baby Days and now we're moving on to Toddler Days.


I took my My Brest Friend out of his room last night and will wash the cover and put it away for the next time. I also removed my little notebook/journal from his room--I have kept a record of each feeding session (except on weekends that we went out of town) from Day 1 until now. Very simple stuff--what time he fed and what side we started on. I had used a Breastfeeding Journal that took me through the first 6 months, but I realized once it filled up that I'd really begun to rely on it to know which side to start on next, so I continued recording in a little 50 cent journal. I guess I'll pack those away in his box of keepsakes. :)


I've mentioned before that breastfeeding wasn't easy for me at first. I remember crying that first week over the pressure I felt to succeed with it, and I felt like a failure because it was hurting and I was ready to quit (he didn't have a proper latch). I'll never forget the help I received from the nurse and lactation consultants over the phone and at my new mom group at the hospital (Jessica, Debbie, and Susan), and I'm so glad that they and Kevin helped me/encouraged me/accompanied me to find a LC (Heidi) through my doctor's office that ended up solving our latch problem in the first few weeks. I will never forget those who offered encouraging words, websites, books, personal stories, etc. I'm glad I reached out and asked for help (when that is usually SO not like me...haha). :) But for real, not like me. At all. So thanks to everyone.


I felt that breastfeeding was important for me and for Lewis, and I'm really glad that we were able to make it this far (just about a week shy of 14 months)!